All in Spiritual Ponderings
It is in these moments - the quiet and still ones - that I was able to process what the doctors told us about Abbie. It is in these moments that I turned corners in my grief, depression, and anxiety. It is in these moments that scripture came to life. It is in these moments that I knew I would make it. And it is in these moments that I learned God would use me and my story to help others.
This last year I have learned more about God and his peace and comfort. I trust him more. My faith has grown. Grief isn't linear and that makes me mad, but God is bigger than my grief and can handle my full spectrum of emotions.
To my friends who have also experienced the loss of a child:
God is with you.
Grief doesn't have to wreck you.
You are not alone.
Your story isn't over. There is more to be written.
We are lamenting. But we have the promise that things are being made new.
GOD BEARS US UP.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
He is with us. He is holding us.
Take heart in that.
I am bringing my struggles to the throne of Jesus and He's taking my ashes and giving me his beauty, his strength, his healing, his mercy, his grace. Naming my suffering doesn't define me, it frees me.
But God met me. He met me yesterday. He's meeting me today. He's with me when I'm calm and when I'm overwhelmed.
He understands and he is with us.
Grief is like a toddler's schedule. Once you figure it out, it changes.
The beautiful thing is that God calls us into places that the world might see as crazy, but it’s really just a place that allows His love to be fully and unmistakably revealed.
Today I woke up full of hope! There's peace and joy in my heart. There's even a little smile on my face. Even though today is the day that my daughter won't be born, today is the day that my Savior was born!
The birth of my Savior has brought tidings of comfort and joy. The birth of my Savior brought hope. Peace. Strength. Faith.
But no matter what my circumstances or feelings each day are, my God is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore.
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
It's okay to be mad. This is a perfectly acceptable feeling. I've learned a lot of things the last few months and one of them is feel my feelings. Don't stuff them. Don't run from them. Don't hide from them. Feel them. Process them. Give them to God.
The scriptures we cling to in hard times are not just empty words, they're life giving, hope filled promises. And God keeps his promises.
We are still riding out this storm, taking life one day at a time, and bringing it all to the Lord every moment of every hour.
But God... but God is so good. He helps. He heals. He breathes life. He brings new mercies every morning.
I'm gonna cry when I need to cry and walk forward in the hope that these promises carry.
I trust that he will create beauty from these ashes. I trust that he will turn my mourning into gladness. I trust that he will take my faint spirit and give me a garment of praise.
He will continue to comfort me. He will bind up my broken heart. He will be glorified.